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Husband at a porn party

Husband at a porn party

Husband at a porn party

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August 24, 2015 at 9:59 amWhat youre doing here is blaming wives for the husbands behaviors. Blame is a defensive substitute for personal responsibility. When a man uses porn as a substitute for taking responsibility in his marriage, that is his choice. It is not his wifes fault. She is responsible for herself and her choices, but she doesnt force her husband to look at porn. That is his choice. He has the responsibility for his own behavior, and no one else. I find that people generally place blame when they are ashamed of their own behavior. The more blame, the more shame the blamer is feeling. The solution to this is not to continue to place blame on others, but rather to take responsibility for ourselves and our choices.August 25, 2015 at 1:44 pmThx,this helps.Just when you saidbeing loved is far more addictive then porn. He knows I love him with all I am. My worries lie in if hes looking at porn to learn how to touch me. Because the way he touches me is how Ive seen in porn.And hes NEVER touched me like this before. He has watched pornIve caught him. It makes me feel less then what I know I am. Its caused huge arguments. Hes not deprived in sexual intercourse or attention very far from it in fact. I think that if I dont give it to him for just a little while that he will resort to porn. He even admitted to me without me catching him that he looked at porn to get me upset because I went out one night. Hes in shape now more than ever, but his job is concrete so thats a given every season. I to have slimmed down and look healthy and feel beautiful for the most part unless he is being inconsiderate all of my thoughts and the issues going on in my life. I feel alone a lot of the time. He has gotten a very bad temper and has even put his hands on me in a bad way. He gets distant a week or two out of a month. Is that normal for a man? I do everything I can for him, I am NOT weak, I am a good woman, inside and out. The porn thing and looking at it for advice on how to touch me is bothering me. For example he look at lesbian porn Im thinking to see what women like obviously a woman knows what a woman wants. It bothers me to the point of silence and distance. Which Im afraid of because I dont want to argue with him anymore. We will be married within a couple years. I am clueless as to what to do feel or think.Kay BrunerAugust 27, 2015 at 11:28 amHey there. So glad you wrote in. I want to encourage you to continue to think about your boundaries. Heres an article I wrote a while back about boundaries. Heres a free download, Hope After Porn , where several women tell their stories in recovery. That might help as you think through what to do, also.One of the things thats so common in porn is women just being used as sex objectsno voice, no value, just whatever the man wants. Unfortunately, that kind of thinking gets transferred over to the marriage relationship really easily.Im concerned to hear you say that hes developed a really bad temper and has been physically abusive. All the more reason for you to consider your boundariesnot just for your sexual preferences (which do count! not just his!) but also for your physical safety.If you feel that you are in danger at any time, please get to a safe place immediately. Call 911 if you need to.The bottom line is this: if this is going to be a real marriage, BOTH of you matter. BOTH of you count. Its not just about what he wants and needs sexually. Your sexual wants and needs matter too.Make sure youre getting support in this! Personal counseling can be helpful, as well as groups like Celebrate Recovery , S Anon , Pure Desire , or xxxChurch .Whatever he decides to do, make sure that you are making healthy choices for you, and getting the support you need.Blessings, KaySeptember 12, 2015 at 2:20 pmI didnt know my husband very well when I married him and probably wouldnt have married him if I had known of his porn addiction. However, I was only married 3 months when I woke up in the middle of the night and discovered my husband was not there. I was looking for more sex and quickly ran downstairs to find him asleep at the computer. His face was literally on the keyboard, his jean zipper was undone, there were tissues all around his desk. I didnt understand what I was seeing as porn addiction was never discussed or heard of in 1998. I moved the mouse or flicked the screen. Maybe the mouse hadnt been invented yet and saw thousands of downloaded files. I woke him up, tears running down my face! Appalled! Scared!! Confused!! He was angry. He said if I was a better wife, he wouldnt look at porn. I tried to kick him out of my condo but obviously felt stuck and thought we could talk it out. We never did and for years I tried to ignore it. I would quietly go down and bring him to bed. Frustrated sexually because we never had sex! Whenever anything was initiated at all I never said NO and I did my best to initiate but when my son was born only because I paid for a cruise where it was too expensive for him to use the computer, did it become unbearable. In many ways he was a good man but I needed more sex and we were on different schedules. He was up from 10 pm to 3am looking at porn. He would be irritable and cranky when I would get him and the kids up in the morning. After dinner in the evening, he would fall asleep putting the kids to bed from 8 to 10 pm. Id eventually have the dishes done, lunches made, floors cleaned we lived in Bermuda so to avoid the bugs everything had to be cleaned a lot go to bed. I tried to wake him and hed yell that I was just jealous of him spending time with the kids so I tried not to disturb him. I would try to talk to him and eventually requested counselling but he told the counsellor that I was just imagining and he really didnt spend that much time at the computer. Now hes remarried and I have no idea if porn is a problem yet. Maybe he learned to put his real intimacy first.DanielleSeptember 15, 2015 at 12:21 pmI have been fighting this with my husband for 23 years. There has been no sex for eight years. All I can say is if you are married your husbands penis will more than likely turn to a weenie. My husband has nine of the symptoms of porn addiction. He likes Asian women that look like they are 1314 year olds and pee on him. I guess with the holagrams, he thinks that they are.Kay BrunerSeptember 18, 2015 at 10:57 amHi Danielle, Im sorry youve had such a long and painful struggle in your marriage. I hope youre finding support for yourself in all this. Personal counseling is often helpful for spouses. Groups are great, too: Celebrate Recovery , Pure Desire , S Anon , xxxChurch those are all places spouses can find support. Whatever your husband chooses, YOU can choose to be healthy, YOU can choose to work on healing and recovery from the pain. Blessings, KaymirandaNovember 1, 2015 at 12:17 amHmmm what if your not married you could say oh well then a failing relationship but just maybe he had this problem before it all began in the first place! A man wouldnt watch porn if he felt loved you are so incorrect alot of these men have women who cater to theyre every need who are willing to fulfill his sexual needs when ever he wants it and who could be his freaky fantasy if he only wanted her in that way I agree your relationship is in trouble when your man would rather sit in front of a screen convincing him self in every way he can that she isnt doing something right to continue the behavior he didnt want to admitt he has a problem cause he doesnt want to fix it so he claims bull crap like if she only acted this way or that cause it sure in the hell isnt my fault I feel justified now off to get love from my handKay BrunerNovember 2, 2015 at 11:24 amHi Miranda. I agree with you that blame is never the answer. Men who choose to look at porn are choosing to look at porn. Blame is simply a way to shift responsibility to someone else. When we engage with trying to correct blame, usually we just create a bunch of drama that serves to distract from the truth: each person is responsible for their own choices and behavior.The only way to combat blame is with healthy boundaries. Weve written about that here and here .Blessings, KayNovember 4, 2015 at 6:50 amIve been married to my second husband a month. The thing is, I found out my first husband looked at porn in our first month of marriage. After that it became an addiction. He wasnt interested in intimacy with me and when we did have sex there was nothing in it for me and it was over in about a min or two. It was very hard on me. My self esteem was ruined. The hardest was during my first two pregnancies and after. We eventually divorced after so much pain and heartache and so many other lies that contributed to the porn. Now, Ive been married two weeks and my husband has slowly in the last few months been different. But that last two weeks have been the worst. We also have a baby that was born a few months ago. Im 27. Every man in my life including my father whom I do not speak to anymore has turned out to be a pervert. Its so sad really. I have never had a man in my life that didnt do porn or cheat. So, back to my current situation. He started by keeping his phone with him all the time. Then it was his temper. And I cook dinner for this man every night, keep his house clean like he likes it, and watch all the kids including his 2 from his previous marriage. We used to have sex every other day and then suddenly it became maybe once a week and once again its whatever he wants. I am so frustrated because he makes me promises and says he is going to have sex with me tomorrow night or Ill make it up to you (our 5 min session that was all about him) Im going to go downtown on you tomorrow. I wait and wait and it never fails that hes too tired or stalls or changes plans. He recently bought all kinds of toys. Spent hundreds of dollars. He keeps them locked in his safe because he says he doesnt want me using them when hes not here. But we only used one or two twice in the last 4 months. He is looking at other women all the time now and when I call him out he just gets angry and defensive. I went through that with my first husband. He tells me it was me in the first marriage bc he swears hes not doing it and Im accusing him. He always wants me to keep it shaved and and I do but then he doesnt even touch me. Now hes started telling me my boobs arent big enough. I had a reduction at 17 bc the were an E and I am 5 ft tall and 120 lbs. now they are a full c, I sometimes wear a D bc of the fullness. But I have some scars. And hes telling me I have no butt. He also told me my girl area shouldnt be tucked in. Its not. I just dont have any lose skin to hang out. He also told me he was infatuated with a girl at work bc she looked like me but her butt was bigger and that he watched her walk up and down the stairs. Then he started telling me later that she gets around at work and was transferred to his location bc she was such a whore. Now, hes calling his ex wife at night when he is in the road and swears its over the kids. I called him out on it last night and it was just a 3 min conversation but he claims he didnt talk to her at all. Its on the bill. You see, everyday he checks my phone several times and also looks at the bill. He has also gotten this temper and hit me a few times. I tried to talk to him about that and he says if he really wanted to hurt me he would and I wouldnt get back up. He doesnt even look at me anymore. The thing is Im so in love with this man. And I am devastated. I got a hold of his phone when he was asleep and found his hidden app with hidden movie. It was young girls like teenage.Im very petite. People say I have a pretty face and that I look very young. I know Im not ugly but I feel so ugly. He makes me feel like Im not enough woman and tells me that if my job at home was a real job Id be fired. We have 5 kids together. I had two and he had two and now we have one of our own. I just dont know what to do. Im so lost. He was in the phone with his mother last night when I texted him and told him the really bad stuff I saw on his phone. His mother texted me and asked me what the hell I was trying to accuse her son of. I texted back and said I wasnt accusing just asking how it got there. After I talked to him on the phone and he clicked get in bc she was calling. She proceeded to tell me I was a little bitch and shed kick my ass. He never told her she was out of line that I heard. She texted me today and told me he was going through the same hell he went through with the first wife. Yet she talks to her like shes her best friend. My moms all Ive got bc he doesnt even allow me to talk to anyone else bc he says theyd talk me into leaving. But he tells his mother everything and she tells ex wife everything and shes always trying to get him alone. Ive been through so much in my life from physical, emotional abuse and even men in my family being innppropriate bc of my big bust before. I hated me for such a long time. I remember one time I was about 13 and I was harassed constantly over my big boobs. I was in the mall with my friends and thus man holding his wifes hand with kids was staring so hard that it made me feel so nasty. And I never showed any cleavage. This was just with a t shirt . Obviously I had gotten much much worse things said to me but this bothered me the most. Its bothered me so bad. Even my dad started at them over the dinner table the whole time we were eating. My husband knows all of this but he had the nerve to tell me that they looked better back in the day. We dated in high school before my previous husband. Im jut feeling so numb to the world. Ive been through so much trauma in my life also as a child to now all the things I deal with on a daily basis. I feel like Im on auto pilot now. I dont know what to do. I feel as if Im so hurt Im going numb to everything. I have this baby and I wouldnt ever want him left alone with any of his people and I know if we split Id have to. Ive been through that with my other two. Im so lost and so hurt and fm have no one. The thing is Ive lost all hope in men. All men bc of my experiences with any man that was supposed to mean something. I still love this man but its like hes a stranger to me. And nothing I do makes him happy. But you see he is always asking me why Im not happy and tells me Ill never be happy. But obviously hes the unhappy one. Im the one trying to cope with the fact that Im not what he wants anymore. Help?Kay BrunerNovember 4, 2015 at 1:36 pmI am so, so sorry for all the pain youve experienced in relationships.It sounds to me like youve been treated as an object by so many men, when in fact you are the precious, beloved child of God, created in His image, and valuable beyond imagination.The life you live needs to reflect the value of who you are. And the situation youre in now, with verbal, emotional, and physical abuse does not match up at all with who you really are, and how God wants you to experience life.I want you to find some people who will treat you with the care and respect God wants for you. Maybe a personal counselor . Maybe safe people in a group, like Celebrate Recovery , S Anon , or xxxChurch .Get with some people who can help you experience love, who can help you process the emotions youre experiencing, and who can help you think about healthy boundaries for yourself and your children.You were not created to be abused. You were created for freedom and an abundant life.Blessings, Kay

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5 Lies I Believed When My Husband Was Watching Porn Written by April MabreyBefore I start, I want to be very clear as to why I believed these lies. I swallowed them hook, line, and sinker because the idol of my heart was my husband and not God.I required my husbands approval and looked to him as my compass and guide because of insecurities that I was unwilling to discuss with Christ. It is because of these unrealistic expectations I placed on our relationship that I chased after these lies and accepted them as a reality in my life.My husband never verbalized any of this, it was purely my own insecurity that led me to believe that if I could only change in some way, I could maintain control of the outcomethis was the ultimate lie.1. The girl my husband really wants has no desires or needs of her own, so I should abandon mine.To have needs means Im demanding. The women in pornography, on the other hand, dont require anything of the participant. It is a very one sided act. It is all about him. Therefore, if I try making our life all about my husband and leave my needs at the door he wont need pornography anymore.Where did he want to eat for dinner? What movie did he want to see? I even went so far as to buy roller hockey gear and drive with him out to a dark, damp roller rink an hour away at 11 p.m. on a weeknight to play a sport I knew or cared nothing about. Our life revolved around him and his needs, which in turn gave me a false sense of security. I didnt want to be labeled demanding so I became Darrens wife with one sole purposenot to have an identity of my own.2. The girl he really wants is passive, so I shouldnt get angry or have an opinion about his addiction.To have an opposing opinion means Im controlling. The women in pornography do what theyre asked. There are no additions or subtractions to the mans request. They just passively follow through with no hesitation or questioning. I found myself trying to deny my real feelings and emotions about my husbands addiction in order to be attractive to him.They were these beautiful, wishgranting beauties and I was the nagging old hag who wanted to talk about the bank account and his browsing history. How could I win this battle? I didnt want to be labeled controlling so I enabled him over and over again in order to satisfy my need to feel loved and wanted.3. The girl he really wants will do anything, so I better step up my game.To not want to have his kind of sex means Im frigid. The women in pornography have seen it all and done it all. Intimacy and tenderness are not on the menu. I felt that I needed to fulfill or at least try anything he asked of me in order for him not to use porn.There were many times where he played into my fear of his addiction being my faultif we were together more often he wouldnt have these issues. There were many years where I just willed myself to be with him because I couldnt stand the guilt of making his addiction return or worsen. I was dying a little each dayhe had no idea or capacity to care. I was emotionally vacant, but at least I wasnt frigid.DOWNLOAD HOPE AFTER PORN4. The girl he really wants only has one dimension, so I should abandon my personal dreams or goals.Wanting to set goals for myself or plan out and pursue a dream of mine means Im too independent. I had become so enmeshed into what my husband wanted that my dream actually became for him to fulfill all of his dreams.This was not his requirement of me. I just started believing it one day. I started realizing that he looked at women in 1D, so to speak. They had no backstories, no history, no dreams. None of that interested him, so it seemed silly for me to focus on any of that in my own life. My husband had no need for an independent wife. My goal was to meet his needs so that he wouldnt reject or abandon me, which was a core fear for me most of my life.5. The girl he really wants has long legs, a flat tummy, and enormous breastsuh oh.Well, Im a chunky, 51 brunette who has to shop in the kids department for jeans. This one is gonna be a problem, right? In true form, I gave it my all. Extensions, blonde highlights, nail salons, low cut shirts, diet plans, lipo, push up brasthe list goes on and on.I tried to satisfy his gourmet tastes, but now I know that porn creates an insatiable appetite that cannot be satisfied. I started realizing that I was just a normal woman who would be too flat, too fat, too old, or too average to compete with the likes of Internet porn. I became tired and defeated, disgusted with my body image and angry toward anyone who was tall, thin, or beautiful.The Truth That Sets Me FreeHe was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. (John 8:44)A lie is the truth distorted. Pornography is a lieits a distortion of the truth. There is no woman that has ever been born who meets all the criteria that Ive written above. Chasing that shadow is an endless game that leaves you desperate and bitter.When the person youre living with looks at you through distorted eyes, it distorts your ability to know who you are: a Princess of the Most High God. God has created you to have dreams and resolve and strength. You are precious to Him and you hold great value in His eyes. His eyes are the only ones who can help you see yourself as you really are, and by the renewing of your mind through His word, I pray that you come to understand your own brokenness, your own need for change, and most importantly your need of a Savior.About the author, April MabreyApril Mabrey is a wife, a corporate mom to twins, homeschooler, speaker, and Covenant Eyes blogger. April loves to share the story of how God has dramatically redeemed her past and restored her marriage .View all posts by April Mabrey Hope After PornPorn use (and even adultery) doesnt always mean that a marriage is over. Get this free ebook to read how four betrayed wives found healing for themselves and for their marriages.151 thoughts on 5 Lies I Believed When My Husband Was Watching PornAJMarch 18, 2013 at 8:59 pmI read this right after falling into the quick and easy temptation of porn. Ive struggled with this off and on through my young adult life. I realize after reading this that I am becoming that self absorbed shadow of a person that you described. I do try to love my girl and I try to stay away from porn but it still comes back. I can easily see myself falling further down the path of caring only about me. I realize that, subconsciously, I want a care free woman. I suppose I can put that down to the times in my earlier years when women turned me down or even cheated on me, but the responsibility is mine. Having a carefree woman that I dont need to be concerned of may be a weird fantasy, but there is nothing of love in it. I want to be a loving man. I dont care if I have to chuck my laptop out the window I want to be a loving man. The internet makes this sin soooooo easy. There is nothing technology can do to prevent my finding these images. But the responsibility remains mine. I pray that God show me how to ditch this habit for good, not just for a month or two intervals. Thank you for sharing the horror of what you went through, it may have prevented another horror from happening.April 10, 2014 at 8:20 amI knew I needed to give up porn also. The hardest part for me was the images that were left behind. I would go to that mental bank in my mind and view them as needed :( I found God calling me to prayas soon as a pornographic image came to mind I would pray for that person, particularly the woman in the situation. God changed me through this he healed me and still is healing me. I pray frequently for those that are caught up in prostitution, which is what pornography is, and my perception has changed, porn no longer sexually arouses me. Thank you God!!! I am a woman. I was introduced to pornography at a very young age and I have struggled with the addiction on and off for years. I can say I am free now. Prayer works and when you begin to view the temptresstempter as another one of Gods lost souls you can feel differently about them love them in the way Christ commands us to love one another! Praise God! He is amazing and he can save those that are lost we are called to pray for them!EdnaJune 29, 2017 at 9:16 pmI am living the nightmare.. my husband watches porn has toys dating sites.. like craigslist.. I am ashamed to say.. reading his emails I found him also a cross dresser.. he enjoys sex with multiple partners.. almost 3 years.. since I found out and wont stop.. he has done this for years.. but I have lost my mind .. I guess he is bisexual.. but I c it more gay.. thank you for listening!Kay BrunerJune 30, 2017 at 12:17 pmHi Edna,I am so so sorry for the pain youre experiencing right now. I would suggest that you find a therapist , just for you, someone who can help you process these emotions and consider what healthy boundaries will look like for you in these circumstances. Here , here , and here are some articles on boundaries to help you get started. You can also find great resources for support online at Bloom. No matter what your husband chooses, you can choose to be healthy and whole, just for you. You dont have to lose your mind you can make healthy choices for yourself, and I hope that you will.Peace to you,March 20, 2013 at 11:10 pmAs you have so powerfully put it, pornography is a lie.I think most men know it is not healthy to watch porn. However, most men started their compulsion with porn in their teen years. Before the brain has had a chance to fully developed is the time that most addictions and compulsions are formed. Unfortunately, these habits follow men into their adulthood.I think if you ask men, that regularly watch porn, if they have tried to quit porn. I think most would say yes. And most likely they have tried numerous times.If a man is given effective strategies and activities on how to quit porn, they would most like want to try. The challenge is trying to convince the man that it is possible.Good luck with your efforts.May 26, 2017 at 12:54 amMy husband thinks that I am wrong for asking him to stop watching porn. It simply makes me feel insecure. I feel like he looks at women as pornographic images. He imagines them naked.He loves looking at petite teen porn. I am 36 years old, tall, and chunky. How can I compete?Kay BrunerMay 26, 2017 at 11:03 amHi Jaime,You shouldnt have to compete. You are a whole, beloved, valuable person, no matter what size, shape or age. You should be in relationships with people who are capable of treating you with the respect you deserve as Gods precious imagebearer.I think youve got to consider your boundaries . Is this the kind of relationship you want to be in, with a grown man who looks at naked children for fun? (Id call the police, myself.)Find a counselor who can help you process your emotions and build healthy boundaries. Seriously, if hes downloaded child pornography, that is a felony. Dont be an accomplice to a crime.Peace to you,January 19, 2014 at 6:42 pmNo you are not. I pray that you strength your self in God and his live for you through Jesus Christ. The problem of Porn dont come alone, its hard to deal with the consequences of it in the marriage May God bless you.IMay 13, 2014 at 4:01 pmThis has been helpful to see that I am not alone in this. Just recently I broke down because I found on my husbands phone porn sites and lots of them in the history. I thought we had settled this a few years ago when I discovered his porn tendencies and expressed my desire that we should separate because I did not feel I was enough for him. He went through the apology route and told me how much he loved me and he would not hurt me like that again. I struggled thru mothers day weekend on how to approach him again. We went to visit both our mothers over the weekend and I had to keep control and not break down in front of our families. When we got home Sunday night, I just could not hold it together anymore the everything is ok deal I went to take a bath and collect my thoughts on how I was going to address my discoveries. He came in the bathroom a few minutes later and found me crying. He pushed for us to talk immediately, but I told him we would talk later because our son (age 9) was still up and the conversation we needed to have was not something I wanted our son to over hear. I could see panic in his eyes at not knowing what the discussion was going to be about so he rushed to have our son get ready for bed (which it was time for him to get ready for bed anyway). When we kissed our son good night we went down stairs and I started the conversation with letting him know that at first I was very angry and then that turned into sadness because I realized I was not enough for him and told him I didnt think I had ever been. Im not a skinny person and I could never be those women he searched for and watched. He then told me that I was wrong that I was enough for him and then he said that he had been having ED problems and he was searching for answers as to why this was happening and said the sites with the medications have links to such sites (which for some reason he at this point I think he thinks Im dumb) Im crushed by this of course. He tries to reassure me that I am everything to him and in no way has he ever cheated on me, but to me he may not have physical contact but I still feel betrayed and that in someone he did cheat. This as you can imagine is not a pleasant or easy conversation to have. Im at a loss, I want to believe him but when I look back on our past and his weakness as he called it this has been happening for years. We have been beee married for 17 years, but together for 24 years in all. I dont know what to believe from him anymore. I our sexlife has not been great. It used to be but then it dimished to once a week and then maybe once or twice a month. I am not one of those wives who does not enjoy sex, because I do. I love being with my husband. He said he tried to tell me some time ago about the ED problems but he wasnt really clear on the issue. He would say his mind is all for it but his body wasnt. He tells me that my appearance does not matter, that he loves me for me on the inside and out. But my question is if it doesnt matter then why would you be looking for skinny women? He then tells me that its like what our paster said its not real. But it is REAL even if you think its a fantasy it is real because they are real people and you are watching LIVE cams. I fell lost and frustrated and heartbroken. I just not sure what we should do next. I doubt he would go to counseling. I dont know truth anymore.Lisa EldredMay 14, 2014 at 10:49 amFirst things first understand that your husbands problem has nothing to do with you. I know nothing of his personal situation, of course, but it may be that he stumbled across porn as a kid and has been living in secrecy for so long that he doesnt know how to handle it anymore. Itll be hard, but Id also believe him when he says he loves you men tend to be good at compartmentalizing, and he probably thinks of his porn use as something completely separate from his relationship with you.Of course, even if you believe him, that doesnt mean that you should just accept his behavior. Youll want to set boundaries for your healing and conditions for your marriage with the goal of reconciling to him and strengthening your relationship. Start by reading Porn and Your Husband , which will give you a starting point for boundarysetting, among other things. You may also want your husband to read it weve heard stories from men who have read it and had a much better understanding of how their porn use was hurting their wives.You also mentioned ED problems. Many porn users have reported ED as a result of porn use abstaining from porn helped fix it. Id have your husband read The Porn Circuit for a better understanding of the changes porn makes to his brain chemistry and biology.Stay strong, and cling to God! Hes brought many marriages through this, and theyve come out stronger in the end. I pray that the same will be true for you.January 12, 2015 at 5:44 pmi accidently discovered my husband watching porn, it wasnt the porn that hurt me it was the fact that he looked at me in the eyes and lied. i trusted him with everything i still do but my feelings have changed for. we have only been married 6 months and he downloads it to extreme, he now knows its out of control and is trying to do something about it bt while i wait im going into depression, i feel shit about myself when before i was very confident, his opinion matters to me, i get jealous. the more he watches porn the less i feel anything im turning into a stone, my feelings are changing and i dnt want it to change. he did other things which i didnt know before the wedding, i wish he would just come and tell. whatever happened was his past but i have the right to know im gona be spending the rest of my life with this man that i thought i knew when in fact i had no idea. he said he was gona do something about it and the next day he downloaded another 200 videos. i need help, i cant talk to anyone about it and i have told him its killing me, i cried, upset over it for weeks and he doesnt even care. what do i do, i actually attempted suicide even looked for poison bt couldnt get my hands on it., he says he loves me so why does he watch it? it has only been 6 months? i dressed up for him every friday which he said not to do anymore, where am i going wrong,, i knw its not my fault bt it hurts. i have known this secret for 3 months and every day it just kills me little by little. when i go to my parents for the night he masturbates to it now to me thats cheating, why cant he see that? why doesnt he care about me i never forced him to marry me? why cant he just stop watching it for my sake, when is that day gona come when he puts an end to it, is it ever gona come? i hate it when someone tells me every man watches it coz i know for a fact they dont. i am planning on never having kids coz i never want another human being to go through what i am going through, it may seem small but when the person u love does something to hurt u it kills and is the worst pain (Kay BrunerJanuary 13, 2015 at 11:44 amHey there. I am so, so sorry for the pain youre in right now. Im glad you found us here and had the courage to write in. I want to tell you that, as terrible as this pain is right now, you can absolutely find healing and hope. Whatever your husband chooses, healing is there for you.First and foremost, I am concerned about your level of pain, and the isolation you are feeling. I want to make sure that you are getting the support that you need as you walk this journey. I would recommend that you look for a counselor in your area and begin meeting with that person immediately. Also, I think you would benefit from a spouse support group at Pure Desire (if thats available in your area), xxxChurch , Sex Addicts Anonymous , or Celebrate Recovery . I would also encourage you to think about who you can talk with about thissome safe friend or family member who can support you through it.I know you know that this is NOT about you! It sounds to me like your husband has had this habit for a long time. Its not about how you look or how you behave or how sexy you are. This is about HIM. And it will be up to HIM to change it.With the level of use you are describing, it sounds like your husband will have a LOT of work to do! I would hope that he (1) gets his internet filtered, monitored, and generally cleaned up right away (2) gets into a group like Pure Desire, xxxChurch, Sex Addicts Anonymousanything really to help him be accountable on a regular basis. He would probably benefit from personal counseling as well. It will be a tough battle, no doubt, and it will be up to him to commit to that and do the work.Heres an article I wrote a while back about what it looks like when a guy takes responsibility for himself, and heres a listing of more articles for women with questions like yours. And heres the link to our free download, Hope After Porn , where several women talk about their experience in recovery with their husbands.I hope some of those things help you consider a healthy way forward in this. Im praying for you right now, that youll find exactly the right connections to help you through. Please keep in touch and let us know how we can help further. Blessings, KaymelisaJuly 31, 2016 at 11:34 amI know the feeling my husband does not even ask me if I want to have sex if he wants any he just gets in pissy mood and when I ask whats wrong says I am going watch porn if you got problem with it oh well I then even go as far as say ok why not have sex with me while watching and he says what I have to have sex with you or I cant watch it so not sure how to feel havesexhe usually just goes to bed pissed at me or what hes porn either way I am left out and feeling like I am nothing to himKay BrunerAugust 1, 2016 at 10:37 amIm so sorry, Melisa. I would encourage you to find a counselor who can help you process these painful emotions and also work on healthy boundaries. You can read more about boundaries here and here . Your marriage relationship should reflect your value as a person! Peace to you, KayKareinI too, am struggling with how to trust. I have no one to talk to, because I dont want to put thoughts of horrific imagery and unending heartache on anyone.Kay BrunerHey there. You might appreciate the website, Bloom, where you can join private forums with other women and also take recovery classes and find lots of great resources. Peace to you, KayKimberly SaulsJuly 13, 2017 at 12:39 pmnot changed and maybe wont ever.My biggest problem is realizing I did all of these things, made him number one even made a fool of myself trying to dress up as a hot schoolgirl, and even though I see it all now I am lost with 5 children endured his addictions, his abuse mental and physical and have no self esteem , feel like I have lost myself and I am trying to find my out of this depression but its hard and unless people have been through it you cant understand it,he thinks I can just get over it but after 15 years of pain and sticking by someone for them to turn on you and make claims so that they dont feel guilt is enough for me to know it time for a divorce. I was never perfect but I was sure close to perfect in loving him but you can only take so much ,until you get to a place that makes you realize , maybe he doesnt deserve me,maybe its time I love myself and be me not just Roberts wife. I could never love anyone else he has my whole heart forever,but Id rather be alone and able to enjoy this beautiful world with my kids , Life is short you know.Im do tired of seeing women torn not changed and maybe wont ever.My biggest problem is realizing I did all of these things, made him number one even made a fool of myself trying to dress up as a hot schoolgirl, and even though I see it all now I am lost with 5 children endured his addictions, his abuse mental and physical and have no self esteem , feel like I have lost myself and I am trying to find my out of this depression but its hard and unless people have been through it you cant understand it,he thinks I can just get over it but after 15 years of pain and sticking by someone for them to turn on you and make claims so that they dont feel guilt is enough for me to know it time for a divorce. I was never perfect but I was sure close to perfect in loving him but you can only take so much ,until you get to a place that makes you realize , maybe he doesnt deserve me,maybe its time I love myself and be me not just Roberts wife. I could never love anyone else he has my whole heart forever,but Id rather be alone and able to enjoy this beautiful world with my kids , Life is short you know. down by men ,dont be like me and wait 15 yearsfor an ounce of care or adoration from a man that isnt capable of real love , if you face this and he doesnt respect you enough to go to counseling,or stop,or try to make you feel better after showing true remorse than he never will and it gets worse ,did for mine he quit his job, he started abusing me,he started looking and younger and younger girls etc. Talk to someone or get counseling,I hid my problems and never had anyone but him and it can make you lose your mind and get trapped in a depression you cant crawl out of, I pray for anyone struggling with this issue or similar I know how painful it is and you are NOT ALONE, reach out ,its his problem not yours you are beautiful and dont let any man make you feel like you are notArianeMarch 26, 2013 at 5:39 pmI believed the first four lies completely, which is way more insidious, because I kept telling myself that his problem with me (and the overall problem with our marriage) was simply MEthe internal me, not the external me. I hated myself for not measuring up to being a good Christian wife, even though I did everything I could think of to please God, my husband, and the Christian community. My own sickness was such that I was on a relentless quest to be a nearperfect Christian wife who interceded constantly for not only for my husband, but our five children. In retrospect, I know that I would have never gotten what I so desperately wanted from him, which was emotional and spiritual intimacy. How could I have gotten this from someone who had short circuited his own ability to be intimate with his heavenly father? The psychological damage that I allowed to be inflicted on me and that I inflicted on myself had everything to do with my personal worth and identity in Christ. I am just beginning to heal after a 25 year marriage and the fallout of a divorce five years ago. You know, in some strange way, I still am blaming myself. That tells you how deep these lies go.

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