I want a sex worker
Etymology edit The term sex worker was coined in 1978 by sex worker activist Carol Leigh . Its use became popularized after publication of the anthology, Sex Work: Writings By Women In The Sex Industry in 1987, edited by Frdrique Delacoste and Priscilla Alexander. 6 7 8 The term sex worker has since spread into much wider use, including in academic publications, by NGOs and labor unions, and by governmental and intergovernmental agencies, such as the World Health Organization . 9 The term is listed in the Oxford English Dictionary 1 and MerriamWebster s Dictionary. 10The term is strongly opposed, however, by many who are morally opposed to the sex industry, such as social conservatives , antiprostitution feminists , and other prohibitionists. Such groups view prostitution variously as a crime or as victimization, and see the term sex work as legitimizing criminal activity or exploitation as a type of labor. 11 12In practice edit Bronze statue Belle in Amsterdam s redlight district De Wallen , reads Respect sex workers all over the worldSex workers may be any gender and exchange sexual services or favors for money or other gifts. The motives of sex workers vary widely and can include debt, coercion, survival, or simply as a way to earn a living. 13 Sexual empowerment is another possible reasons why people engage in sex work. One study found that a majority of the sex workers interviewed enjoyed their occupation and felt like they were discovering themselves. 14 The flexibility to choose hours of work and ability to select their own client base may also contribute the appeal of sex work when compared to other service industry jobs. 14 Sex work may also be a way to fund addiction. 15 This line of work can be fueled by an individuals addiction to illegal substances before entering the industry or being introduced to these substances after entering the industry. 15 These motives also align with varying climates surrounding sex work in different communities and cultures. In some cases, sex work is linked to tourism. Sex work can take the form of prostitution , stripping or lap dancing , performance in pornography , phone or internet sex, or any other exchange of sexual services for financial or material gain. The variety in the tasks encompassed by sex work lead to a large range in both severity and nature of risks that sex workers face in their occupations. Sex workers can act independently as individuals, work for a company or corporation, or work as part of a brothel. All of the above can be undertaken either by free choice or by coercion. Sex workers may also be hired to be companions on a trip or to perform sexual services within the context of a trip either of these can be voluntary or forced labor. 16 Transgender people are more likely than the general population to do sex work, particularly trans women and trans people of color. 17 In a study of female Indian sex workers, illiteracy and lower social status were more prevalent than among the general female population. 18Many studies struggle to gain demographic information about the prevalence of sex work, as many countries or cities have laws prohibiting prostitution or other sex work. In addition, sex trafficking , or forced sex work, is also difficult to quantify due to its underground and covert nature. In addition, finding a representative sample of sex workers in a given city can be nearly impossible because the size of the population itself is unknown. Maintaining privacy and confidentiality in research is also difficult because many sex workers may face prosecution and other consequences if their identities are revealed. 19While demographic characteristics of sex workers vary by region and are hard to measure, some studies have attempted to estimate the composition of the sex work communities in various places. For example, one study of sex work in Tijuana, Mexico found that the majority of sex workers there are young, female and heterosexual. 20 Many of these studies attempt to use smaller samples of sex workers and pimps in order to extrapolate about larger populations of sex workers. One report on the underground sex trade in the United States used known data on the illegal drug and weapon trades and interviews with sex workers and pimps in order to draw conclusions about the number of sex workers in eight American cities. 21 However, studies like this one can come under scrutiny for a perceived emphasis on the activities and perspectives of pimps rather than those of sex workers themselves. Another criticism is that sex trafficking may not be adequately assessed in its relation to sex work in these studies. 22Legal dimensions of sex work edit World map of pornography (18) lawsPornography legalPornography legal under some restrictionsPornography illegalSee also: Prostitution lawDepending on local law, sex workers activities may be regulated, controlled, tolerated, or prohibited. In most countries, even those where sex work is legal, sex workers may be stigmatized and marginalized, which may prevent them from seeking legal redress for discrimination (e.g., racial discrimination by a strip club owner), nonpayment by a client , assault or rape . Sex worker advocates have identified this as whorephobia. 23 24The legality of different types of sex work varies within and between regions of the world. For example, while pornography is legal in the United States, prostitution is illegal in most parts of the US. However, in other regions of the world, both pornography and prostitution are illegal in others, both are legal. One example of a country in which pornography, prostitution, and all professions encompassed under the umbrella of sex work are all legal is New Zealand. Under the Prostitution Reform Act of New Zealand, laws and regulations have been put into place in order to ensure the safety and protection of its sex workers. For example, since the implementation of the Prostitution Reform Act, any person seeking to open a larger brothel, where more than four sex workers will be working requires a Brothel Operators Certificate, which certifies them as a suitable person to exercise control over sex workers in the workplace. In addition, sex workers operating in managed premises have access to labour rights and human rights protection and can pursue claims before the courts, like any other worker or employee. 25 In regions where sex work is illegal, advocates for sex workers rights argue that the covert nature of illegal prostitution is a barrier to access to legal resources. 26 However, some who oppose the legalization of prostitution argue that sex work is inherently exploitative and can never be legalized or practiced in a way that respects the rights of those who perform it. 27There are many arguments against legalizing prostitutionsex work. In one study, women involved in sex work were interviewed and asked if they thought it should be made legal. They answered that they thought it should not, as it would put women at higher risk from violent customers if it were considered legitimate work, and they would not want their friends or family entering the sex industry to earn money. Another argument is that legalizing sex work would increase the demand for it, and women should not be treated as sexual merchandise. A study showed that in countries that have legalized prostitution, there was an increase in child prostitution. An argument against legalizing sex work is to keep children from being involved in this industry. The studies also showed that legalizing sex work lead to an increase in sex trafficking, which is another reason people give for making sex work illegal. 28There are also arguments for legalizing prostitutionsex work. One major argument for legalizing prostitution is that women should have a right to do what they want with their own bodies. The government should not have a say in what they do for work, and if they want to sell their bodies it is their own decision. Another common argument for legalizing prostitution is that enforcing prostitution laws is a waste of money. This is because prostitution has always, and will continue to persist despite whatever laws and regulations are implemented against it. In arguing for the decriminalization of sex work, the Minister of Justice of the Netherlands expanded upon this argument in court when stating that, prostitution has existed for a long time and will continue to do soProhibition is not the way to proceedOne should allow for voluntary prostitution. The authorities can then regulate prostitution, and it can become healthy, safe, transparent, and cleansed from criminal sideeffects. 29 People who wish to legalize prostitution do not see enforcing laws against sex work as effective and think the money is better spent elsewhere. Many people also argue that legalization of prostitution will lead to less harm for the sex workers. They argue that the decriminalization of sex work will decrease the exploitation of sex workers by third parties such as pimps and managers. A final argument for the legalization of sex work is that prostitution laws are unconstitutional. Some argue that these laws go against peoples rights to free speech, privacy, etc. 30Risk reduction edit Risk reduction in sex work is a highly debated topic. Abolitionism and nonabolitionism or empowerment are regarded as opposing ways in which risk reduction is approached. 31 While abolitionism would call for an end to all sex work, empowerment would encourage the formation of networks among sex workers and enable them to prevent STIs and other health risks by communicating with each other. 32 Both approaches aim to reduce rates of disease and other negative effects of sex work.In addition, sex workers themselves have disputed the dichotomous nature of abolitionism and nonabolitionism, advocating instead a focus on sex workers rights. In 1999, the Network of Sex Worker Projects claimed that Historically, antitrafficking measures have been more concerned with protecting innocent women from becoming prostitutes than with ensuring the human rights of those in the sex industry. 31 Penelope Saunders, a sex workers rights advocate, claims that the sex workers rights approach considers more of the historical context of sex work than either abolitionism or empowerment. In addition, Jo Doezema has written that the dichotomy of the voluntary and forced approaches to sex work has served to deny sex workers agency. 33Health edit Sex workers are unlikely to disclose their work to healthcare providers. This can be due to embarrassment, fear of disapproval, or a disbelief that sex work can have effects on their health. 34 The criminalization of sex work in many places can also lead to a reluctance to disclose for fear of being turned in for illegal activities. There are very few legal protections for sex workers due to criminalization thus, in many cases, a sex worker reporting violence to a healthcare provider may not be able to take legal action against their aggressor. 35Health risks of sex work relate primarily to sexually transmitted infections and to drug use. In one study, nearly 40 of sex workers who visited a health center reported illegal drug use. 34 In general, transgender women sex workers have a higher risk of contracting HIV than male and female sex workers and transgender women who are not sex workers. 36The reason transgender women are at higher risk for developing HIV is their combination of risk factors. They face biological, personal, relational, and structural risks that all increase their chances of getting HIV. Biological factors include incorrect condom usage because of erectile disfunction from hormones taken to become more feminine and receptive anal intercourse without a condom which is a high risk for developing HIV. Personal factors include mental health issues that lead to increased sexual risk, such as anxiety, depression, and substance abuse provoked through lack of support, violence, etc. Structural risks include involvement in sex work being linked to poverty, substance abuse, and other factors that are more prevalent in transgender women based on their tendency to be socially marginalized and not accepted for challenging gender norms. The largest risk for HIV is unprotected sex with male partners, and studies have been emerging that show men who have sex with transgender women are more likely to use drugs than men that do not. 37Condom use is one way to mitigate the risk of contracting an STI. However, negotiating condom use with ones clients and partners is often an obstacle to practicing safer sex. While there is not much data on rates of violence against sex workers, many sex workers do not use condoms due to the fear of resistance and violence from clients. Some countries also have laws prohibiting condom possession this reduces the likelihood that sex workers will use condoms. 35 Increased organization and networking among sex workers has been shown to increase condom use by increasing access to and education about STI prevention. Brothels with strong workplace health practices, including the availability of condoms, have also increased condom use among their workers. 35Health Concerns of Exotic DancersMental Health and StigmaIn order to protect themselves from the stigma of sex work, many dancers resort to othering themselves. Othering involves constructing oneself as superior to ones peers, and the dancer persona provides an internal boundary that separates the authentic from the stripper self. This practice creates a lot of stress for the dancers, in turn leading many to resort to using drugs and alcohol to cope. Since it is so widespread, the use of drugs has become normalized in the exotic dance scene.Despite this normalization, passing as nonusers, or covering as users of less maligned drugs, is necessary. This is because strippers concurrently attribute a strong moral constitution to those that resist the drug atmosphere it is a testament to personal strength and will power. It is also an occasion for dancers to other fellow strippers. Valorizing resistance to the drug space discursively positions good strippers against such a drug locale and indicates why dancers are motivated to closet hard drug use.Stigma causes strippers to hide their lifestyles from friends and family alienating themselves from a support system. Further, the stress of trying to hide their lifestyles from others due to fear of scrutiny affects the mental health of dancers. Stigma is a difficult area to address because it is more abstract, but it would be helpful to work toward normalizing sex work as a valid way of making a living. This normalization of sex work would relieve the stress many dancers experience increasing the likelihood that they will be open about their work. Being open will allow them access to a viable support system and reduce the othering and drug use so rampant in the sex industry. 38 39Forced sex work edit See also: Sexual slavery and Sex traffickingForced sex work is when an individual enters into any sex trade due to coercion rather than by choice. Forced sex work increases the likelihood that a sex worker will contract HIVAIDS or another sexually transmitted infection, particularly when an individual enters sex work before the age of 18. 40 In addition, even when sex workers do consent to certain sex acts, they are often forced or coerced into others (often anal intercourse) by clients. Sex workers may also experience strong resistance to condom use by their clients, which may extend into a lack of consent by the worker to any sexual act performed in the encounter this risk is magnified when sex workers are trafficked or forced into sex work. 35 41Forced sex work often involves deception workers are told that they can make a living and are then not allowed to leave. This deception can cause ill effects on the mental health of many sex workers. In addition, an assessment of studies estimates that between 40 and 70 of sex workers face violence within a year. 35 Currently, there is little support for migrant workers in many countries, including those who have been trafficked to a location for sex. 42Main article: Sex workers rightsSex workers rights advocates argue that sex workers should have the same basic human and labor rights as other working people. 43 For example, the Canadian Guild for Erotic Labour calls for the legalization of sex work, the elimination of state regulations that are more repressive than those imposed on other workers and businesses, the right to recognition and protection under labour and employment laws, the right to form and join professional associations or unions, and the right to legally cross borders to work. Advocates also want to see changes in legal practices involving sex work, the Red Umbrella Project has pushed for the decriminalization of condoms and changes to New Yorks sex workers diversion program. 44 Advocacy for the interests of sex workers can come from a variety of sources, including nongovernmental organizations, labor rights organizations, governments, or sex workers themselves. Each year in London The Sexual Freedom Awards is held to honor the most notable advocates and pioneers of sexual freedom and sex workers rights in the UK, where sex work is essentially legal.Unionization of sex work edit The unionization of sex workers is a recent development. The first organization within the contemporary sex workers rights movement was Call Off Your Old Tired Ethics ( COYOTE ), founded in 1973 in San Francisco, California. Many organizations in Western countries were established in the decade after the founding of COYOTE. 45 Currently, a small number of sex worker unions exist worldwide. One of the largest is the International Union of Sex Workers, headquartered in the United Kingdom. The IUSW advocates for the rights of all sex workers, whether they chose freely or were coerced to enter the trade, and promotes policies that benefit the interests of sex workers both in the UK and abroad. 46 Many regions are home to sex worker unions, including Latin America, Brazil, Canada, Europe, and Africa. 47In unionizing, many sex workers face issues relating to communication and to the legality of sex work. Because sex work is illegal in many places where they wish to organize, it is difficult to communicate with other sex workers in order to organize. There is also concern with the legitimacy of sex work as a career and an activity that merits formal organizing, largely because of the sexism often present in sex work and the devaluation of sex work as not comparable to other paid labor and employment. 45A factor affecting the unionization of sex work is that many sex workers belong to populations that historically have not had a strong representation in labor unions. While this unionization can be viewed as a way of empowering sex workers and granting them agency within their profession, it is also criticized as implicitly lending its approval to sexism and power imbalances already present in sex work. Unionization also implies a submission to or operation within the systems of capitalism, which is of concern to some feminists. 45Unionizing exotic dancers edit Independent contractor vs EmployeePerformers in general are problematic to categorize because they often exercise a high level of control over their work product, one characteristic of an independent contractor. Additionally, their work can be artistic in nature and often done on a freelance basis. Often, the work of performers does not possess the obvious attributes of employees such as regular working hours, places or duties. Consequently, employers misclassify them because they are unsure of their workers status, or they purposely misclassify them to take advantage of independent contractors low costs. Exotic dance clubs are one such employer that purposely misclassify their performers as independent contractors.There are additional hurdles in terms of selfesteem and commitment to unionize. On the most basic level, dancers themselves must have the desire to unionize for collective action. For those who wish not to conform to group activity or want to remain independent, a union may seem as controlling as club management since joining a union would obligate them to pay dues and abide by decisions made through majority vote, with or without their personal approval.In the Lusty Lady case study, this strip club was the first all woman managed club to successfully unionize in 1996. Some of the working conditions they were able to address included protesting racist hiring practices, customers being allowed to videotape dancers without their consent via oneway mirrors, inconsistent disciplinary policies, lack of health benefits, and an overall dearth of job security. Unionizing exotic dancers can certainly bring better work conditions and fair pay, but it is difficult to do at times because of their dubious employee categorization. Also, as is the case with many other unions, dancers are often reluctant to join them. This reluctance can be due to many factors, ranging from the cost of joining a union to the dancers believing they do not need union support because they will not be exotic dancers for a long enough period of time to justify joining a union. 48 49Nongovernmental organizations (NGOs) edit NGOs often play a large role in outreach to sex workers, particularly in HIV and STI prevention efforts. 50 However, NGO outreach to sex workers for HIV prevention is sometimes less coordinated and organized than similar HIV prevention programs targeted at different groups (such as men who have sex with men). 51 This lack of organization may be due to the legal status of prostitution and other sex work in the country in question in China, many sex work and drug abuse NGOs do not formally register with the government and thus run many of their programs on a small scale and discreetly. 51While some NGOs have increased their programming to improve conditions within the context of sex work, these programs are criticized at times due to their failure to dismantle the oppressive structures of prostitution, particularly forced trafficking. Some scholars believe that advocating for rights within the institution of prostitution is not enough rather, programs that seek to empower sex workers must empower them to leave sex work as well as improve their rights within the context of sex work. 52
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Edet and ObanoOlaleye AlukoThe Lagos State Police Command has arrested a hotelier, Victor Obano, for allegedly turning a 23yearold female job seeker into a commercial sex worker in the Ijegun area of the state.The police said Obano, who owned Tisa Hotel, allegedly lured the victim, Elizabeth, from Akwa Ibom, promising her employment in Lagos State.Obano allegedly thereafter turned the job seeker into a sex worker in the hotel.PUNCH Metro learnt that Elizabeth, a mother of two, reportedly got tired of being a commercial sex worker, and on October 5, told her elder sister on the telephone what she was going through.The sister was said to have informed the police at the AntiRobbery Squad of the State Criminal Investigation and Intelligence Department, Yaba, leading to Obanos arrest.Our correspondent gathered that another accomplice, a commercial sex worker, identified as Grace Edet, who allegedly was Elizabeths supervisor, was also picked up by the police.Speaking with PUNCH Metro at the command headquarters, Ikeja, Obano, who admitted to have brought the victim from Akwa Ibom, said he only assisted her to find a means of livelihood.He said, I am the manager of Tisa Hotel in the Ijegun waterside. I am not a human trafficker. It was only this lady that I brought from the village. I met with her father and he explained her predicament. She is 23 years old. She has two kids and she was living a miserable life. So, I decided to get a job for her.The police arrested me because I seized her phones. They said I did not want her to contact her family members, but I collected her phone because I did not want her to have an affair with several men.It was her elder sister who reported the matter to the police. The victim is with her brother presently. The arrangement was that I would be paying her and she would also hustle in the hotel and send the money to take care of her father.The police should let this matter be settled amicably. It is a family issue.The accomplice, Edet, told our correspondent that Obano had instructed her to train Elizabeth in commercial sex.She said, I have worked in the hotel for some years. I am a commercial sex worker. When the manager came back from Akwa Ibom earlier in the year, he returned with the lady. He handed her over to me, saying I should teach her some tricks of the trade.I did not know the arrangement between them. When I asked the lady why she was brought, she replied that she was asked to hustle at the hotel. So, I do not have any fault in the matter.A police source told our correspondent that Obano allegedly had more girls he used as commercial sex workers in his hotel.The state Commissioner of Police, Fatai Owoseni, who paraded the suspects, said the command would not tolerate any form of crime, urging the public to always avail the police of credible information.Copyright PUNCH.All rights reserved. This material, and other digital content on this website, may not be reproduced, published, broadcast, rewritten or redistributed in whole or in part without prior express written permission from PUNCH.
Tap here to turn on desktop notifications to get the news sent straight to you.EDITION03142015 10:41 am ET Updated Dec 06, 2017Im a Sex Worker, and Dating Is AwkwardThis post originally appeared on xoJane .By Sovereign SyreWhen I entered into porn in 2011, I was in a relationship that I thought was going to last forever.So when I found myself single a few years later and decided to enter into the dating world, I realized that my dilemma was twofold not only did I understand very little about how single people went about being a couple, but when I found one I might want to couple with, I had to figure out how to tell them about my rather unconventional day job.I know plenty of girls in my industry who have partners who are not in the business and who are quite happy. Contrary to what people will tell you, just as there are tons of people who would never date a sex worker, there are also plenty of people in prestigious occupations with designer educations that would LOVE to marry a porn star. May not make sense to everyone, but it only has to make sense to the two of them.When I first became single, I had been doing porn for about a year, but I performed exclusively with women, which, for whatever reason, is more forgivable to a lot of people.I wasnt really interested in getting emotionally invested in someone else. But I also didnt worry too much about what might happen if I ever wanted to date a civilian, since I wouldnt have to explain much more than that I had sex with women on camera sometimes. Theyd probably get into a high fiving contest with their friends.In the first year of being single, I just kind of reveled in my freedom.I was spoiled. If I wanted great sex with a hot guy who wasnt going to try to bog me down in emotional stuff, I could just call one of my coworkers. And so thats what I did for a while just slept with my work friends who kept it cool but satisfied the physical urges with the added bonus of no explanations required. It wasnt until a year later when I started shooting scenes with men as well that it hit me.I was at a gas station filling up the air in one of my tires when a strikingly handsome guy pulled up next to me. He was like something out of a billboard selling cologne, and drove a Mercedes and blasted Band of Horses. He wasnt exactly my type, but he was certainly goodlooking and he was confident.I know this is weird, but youre really beautiful and if I dont ask for your number, Ill probably never see you again.His name was Paul and he had blindingly white teeth. I gave him my number.As a civilian off work.That night we were out on a date. He was courteous and lovely. He had just finished his bachelors degree and was contemplating entering the police academy with an eye on becoming a detective.That all sounded great to me, and I realized that I really, really didnt want to tell him about myself.I mean, I was fine telling him about the town I grew up in, that I double majored in sociology and literature, and that I went to a prestigious writing program, and that I was working on my first novel. I didnt mind telling him about the past three years Id spent in New York working as an art model. I just didnt want to mention what I did now.I love my job. I think I do something important in its own way. I perform in graphic narratives that people use to get off. I think getting off is a vital part of human life and one that we shouldnt have to apologize for. I also realize that reality is a long way off, and in the meantime I spend a lot of my time wading through the bog of shit that is other peoples shame and rage as it relates to their sexuality.So I didnt tell him.I justified this to myself with the notion that, hey, who knows if this is even serious and why weigh it down unnecessarily with all of the heavy lifting of institutionalized sexism that demands very specific sanctions against women that are empowered in any way financially or sexually, and, most especially, both?I mean, just writing about it is a headache. I can already hear everyone who hates porn weighing in with some hot take thats most likely based on irrational feelings rather than empirical truths. I digress.We shared a sweet kiss. He had a firm body and a pressing desire, but was very respectful in a way that was so sweet it made my stomach turn.I drove home knowing it was an impossible situation. He couldnt really know me to know if things were going to work out without knowing the whole truth, but knowing the whole truth was likely to cut things off at the pass. Im pretty good at sussing people out, and hed dropped enough hints in the conversation over dinner for me to figure out that hed have some questions about the porn thing and it would definitely cause some conflict.The chemistry was nice, but I decided that he wasnt worth the trouble.I didnt despair long. My brother came to visit me for the holidays, touting the virtues of a new dating app called Tinder.A dating site seemed a little easier. I could put myself out there without any pictures from work, get some responses to people that were genuinely into me, and then I could come out if we made it past a few dates.My Tinder profile photo.My phone was buzzing immediately with more matches than I could keep up with. Tinder is a slash and burn campaign through the sexual jungle. I became precise in my rejection of people based solely on their looks, age, or interests. But once again, its hard to get to really know someone without revealing a key piece of information, mainly that all of your income is derived from the sexual services you sell, and more than that, a brand that revolves around sex.As much as I tried to keep my job out of the conversation in the gettingtoknowyou phase of courtship, its typical to ask what someone does for a living.Conversations became circular and weird, all dancing around the fact that I had this weird job that was going to affect just about every aspect of a relationship, should it develop. Porn has taught me one thing absolutely: that peoples sexuality is fractured and everyone is hamhanded about dealing with it. As clumsy as any negotiation about sexual politics has ever been, being a sex worker is like placing a loaded gun on the table.It was hard. I found some good matches on Tinder. Im college educated and Im a writer. I have a lot of interests that arent necessarily common among my work peers. I come to the job with a somewhat unusual background, which is fine for friendships, but when it comes to developing more intimate relationships, it can be more challenging. Tinder was dangling some pretty sweet fruit in front of me. A guy with six pack abs kissing a dolphin with a graduate degree in comparative literature? Ugh!I realized I had to just start telling people.I made up a pat response. When a guy would ask me to tell them about myself, what I did, etc., I would reply with:Writing is my life. I travel a lot, but not to anywhere interesting, usually San Francisco or Las Vegas, sometimes NYC. I love history and music and I have a pitbull rescue named Coco that Im overemotionally attached to. My iPhone is my life, I live out of suitcases, and I havent unpacked most of my furniture yet. Netflix is like weed to me, and I have a diet that involves things called cheat days and shame spirals. I like the words overmuch and evermore. Im a feminist and progressive and have a graduate education and really strong views about the wage gap. I write for an edutainment program about history on YouTube, I have a podcast, and, also, Im a porn star.This little chunk of text actually served me well. Most guys werent scared off by my admission. What I learned is that a lot of people know someone who is in the adult industry and a lot of people dont really mind potentially fucking a girl that fucks professionally.What I did find was that no matter what, it would shift the tone of the conversation. Now guys would want me to send a selfie theyd tell me how sexy I was despite the fact that I wasnt using anything more than fully clothed, decidedly neutral pics from my iPhone on my profile and my bio read, Doeeyed intellectual giant seeks MarcusAurelius type for disordered romantic attachment.Of course, too, they wanted to know all about my work. Most correspondences devolved into these vaguely sexual exchanges. Theres an assumption that you want to engage with peoples erections at all times.Youre so sexy. Can you maybe send me a selfie?I understand its meant as a compliment, but the problem is that most of my interactions are based on my looks, and the main thing Im looking for when I decide if Im going to date someone is a sense of rapport. Its a subtle thing . . . but its there, the feeling that men get overwhelmed with the idea of a PORNSTAR.I dont really hold any of this against people. Theres no guide to dating a sex worker and I hardly expect anyone to get it right on the first go. Having been an adult for a while, Ive seen relationships that work and ones that dont, but the rule is that every couple is unique and they all have to negotiate the very normal human feelings of jealousy, insecurity, and selfinterest.I found myself in a mire. Tinder was too sexually charged for me because I was a sex worker. Not in the fun way where everyone wants to fuck you, but in the unfun way where everyone wants to be unabashedly honest with you about their sexual desires and hangups because youre not a normal person anymore.I deleted the app after four or five conversations that all ended the same way.Opening joke to seem charmingCharming response backYou seem pretty clever what kind of history you into? What do you write?I offer some part of the French Revolution that Im interested in and ask them about something in their profile.You from here? What do you do?Cut and paste pat responseOh wow, interesting.Sometimes. Its usually just a fun job.I guess we can do anything we want )Dismayed silenceExhausted nonresponseYou still want to hang out?I decided to abandon dating sites for simply relying on people I met through Twitter or through friends, people who already know what I do. Ive had to become very zen about dating. I wait for potential partners to come to me.Im impatient, so it is challenging, but the results have been somewhat surprising. A lot of really interesting people are actually very open to the experience of dating a girl in the sex industry. (Its like the institutionalized sexism Ive toiled under all my life was telling me lies . . . .) When you put it all out there, you get some really amazing things back.I have a podcast where I interview comedians, and I found a guy from New York I really wanted to have on. I saw he was coming to LA in the near future and we struck up a conversation on Twitter that quickly went to text. We had a good rapport. We decided to meet up at a show he was playing. He was stunning, attractive, intelligent, and with a kind of magnetism that made it feel like youd already seen him on his own TV show.After his set, we met at the bar and talked about a way to get him on my show. He was leaving soon. He was curious about what I was about, what I wanted to do with my life, what my ambitions were. I tried to explain the premise of my show.I know most people wont care that I think about things because Im a porn girl, but Im trying to sneak it in there. I figure if I bring in comedians theyll be more inclined to listen to someone like me talking about ideas.My exgirlfriend was an escort, she used to say the same thing, he said.And he said it without a trace of shame or judgment.And I think I cracked a smile for the first time since Id started on all this nonsense.We werent on a date, and this wasnt a romantic encounter, but it filled me with hope.
AM I GOOD IN BED?Sex worker who has slept with over 10,000 men answers the questions women never dare to askGwyneth Montenegro, 39, from Australia, spent 12 years in the industry and has now written a book revealing surprising things that men will pay forBy Becky Pemberton10th November 2017, 4:39 pmUpdated: 10th November 2017, 4:43 pmA FORMER prostitute who has slept over 10,000 men has answered the golden questions that many women ask including what do men REALLY want from sex?Gwyneth Montenegro, 39, from Australia, spent 12 years in the industry and has now written a book revealing the surprising things that men will pay for.GwynethMontenegro.infoGwyneth Montenegro, 39, from Australia, has written a book on her former life in the sex industryIn her book, on being financially successful in the sex industry, she said most gentlemen dont always go for the kinky services.In fact, in the decade she was in the industry, the most important thing to her clients was feeling of being needed and wanted. Wanted badly by a horny woman. It is their ultimate fantasy after all.She said that it is vital, therefore that whatever sex acts you are doing, you make look like you want him bad and are enjoying him so much (even if you arent).Gwyneth said that many girls in the industry try to outdo other women with the acts or techniques they use, but this is to be avoided.GwynethMontenegro.infoGwyneth said the reason many men turned to her for sex was because they felt emasculted in their relationshipsGwynethMontenegro.infoShe revealed that although men paid her for sex, a big part of her job was just talkingShe said: Dont try and keep up with, or outdo anyone else, or this can backfire. You only want to work within your boundaries.They are regular everyday men who just want some fun, and they want to know that you are having fun too.One of the biggest questions that she found girls asking was whether or not a getting bigger boobs would be beneficial.Thankfully the former prostitute revealed most men prefer the feel of real boobs and there is a market for every body type.GwynethMontenegro.infoThe sex worker spent 12 years sleeping with wellknown lawyers, politicians and musiciansShe wrote: If youve got them, theres a market. If you dont, theres a market too. I wouldnt lose too much sleep over it.A littleknown secret in the punting world, is that there are quite a lot of men who will actively seek out escorts who are not the hottest of the hot women and go for someone who isnt as classically beautiful, because they feel shy and sometimes a little inadequate themselves.You dont have to be the hottest femme fatale, but as long as you are well groomed, comfortable and confident in your own skin, have a great vibe, energetic and you are professionalthen this is what it takes.There are many, many different women of all shapes, ages, sizes and backgrounds than you can think of making money from their body.GwynethMontenegro.infoShe started in the industry when she was 21, but now, aged 39, is glad to be out the other sideGwyneth said that one of the biggest myths is that men only want younger women.But in her experience, women can be successful at any age, and she has witnessed escorts in their 30s, 40s, 50s and 60s earning good sums of money.She even heard of one escort who started working at the age of 83, and carried on for four years charging 250 an hour.In fact, many men want a genuine conversation and connection something they might not get with girls the same age as their daughters.GwynethMontenegro.infoGwyneth said she was young and naive before she started out as a sex worker and wouldnt recommend the industry to anyoneShe said: Talking to one of my amazing male friends, who is in his early 50s, he said Well that makes sense. Can you see me wanting to book a 22yearold? If I wanted to have some conversation and connection and to feel like I was getting the attention I wanted, do you think a 22yearold would necessarily give me that kind of service?And getting men excited about bedroom action often has little to do with skimpy outfits out in public.When it comes to the clothes you wear, she said: You dont have to have it all hanging out to make money in this business.GwynethMontenegro.infoGwyneth would charge between 286 and 572 per hour depending on the services involvedShe said that men like a bit of mystery and would rather pay for something that other men dont always get to see.She said: You dont have to slut yourself out in how you dress, to get the attention of the men.Gwyneth revealed she had written the guide to empower women thinking of entering the industry and to teach them how to survive.She said: In my line of work I am approached by practicing escorts almost weekly and the trend is alarming. More and more reveal that they are disheartened, bitter, broken and financially struggling. They are desperate.How could I sit back and stay quiet, when I know how its done? With my much talked about 10,091 encounters behind me I dont need the knowledge any more, so I passed it on.The Secret Taboo The Ultimate Insiders Guide To Being a Financially Successful Escort, is available online .
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Why Im Choosing to Continue My Sex Work Through My Pregnancy NSFWWith my hormones, Im actually more into it now.Apr 14, 2017Courtesy of BunnyRanch.comKatja ChoIn a recent blog post titled A Womans Right to Choose to Be a Pregnant Sex Worker, Summer Sebastian explained exactly that: why she decided to keep working through her unexpected pregnancy at Carson City, Nevadas, licensed brothel, the Moonlite Bunny Ranch , where shes been employed since November 2014. She plans to work for as long as shes healthy and the doctor tells her there are no problems.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowThe 30yearold has never met and doesnt know of any other sex workers who continued working while pregnant, but shes happy and excited about both the baby and her work. Though Sebastian has 5yearold twin daughters already with her 70yearold boyfriend of 12 years, she wasnt working at the Ranch during her first pregnancy. She opens up about how those around her took the news and how sex has changed with her clients.What was your first reaction to finding out you were pregnant?I dont know. I guess my heart skipped a beat! Laughs. I have identical twin girls who are 5, but it was not a plan ever to start a family. Theyre all great surprises and were very happy theyre here, but nothing was planned.And what were your coworkers reactions?Oh, they were so happy. Theyre all so great and were so very happy.Do your clients know you are pregnant when they book with you now?They dont say anything. Im not showing a whole lot yet, but if they were to say something, I would tell them. I just dont want them uncomfortable if they dont know. No ones yet put two and two together, but now Im blogging about it, so its out there! That doesnt mean everyones reading about it though. Editors note: Sebastians profile on the Ranch site doesnt specify shes pregnant, though her icon on the homepage has a PREGNANT! logo.Courtesy of Summer SebastianAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowI was going to ask if you have clients who have pregnancyspecific requests, but if most of them dont know yetYes, but Im getting a lot of emails from people who are interested! Hundreds of emails since I posted the blog. A lot of emails from people that are either into the pregnancy itself or the lactation part of it. Im very surprised, actually, how many people are contacting me interested sexually in that.What do they want to know about lactation?Certain people have this fetish where they like to dress up like a baby and they want to be treated like a baby, which involves lactation and breastfeeding it could be in that sense, or it could be in the sense that they just want to go back to their roots psychologically. I dont know quite what it is.Would you entertain breastfeeding a client?I would put a high number on that and if they were able to fulfill their end of it, yeah. I could do that. I dont see that it would hurt anything, it might even help laughs, you know?So has the reaction online been generally positive?Yes, so far.What kind of specifications has your obgyn given you in relation to your work?Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowWell, I have a history of cervical cancer in my family so my pregnancies are all considered highrisk. So I kind of have to take it easy, but they said the sex is fine as long as Im comfortable. If Im getting tired, Im supposed to lie down and take it easy. Thats basically it!Sebastians threemonth sonogram.Courtesy of BunnyRanch.comSo whats the pregnancy sex been like?This one has been very symptomatic compared to my last ones with my twins, which was super easy. I didnt really feel anything they were miracle babies! But this one, I feel all the symptoms women talk about in books. Its a lot harder than my last one, but Im happy and excited for a new baby oh, did you say sexually?Yes!Laughs. With my hormones, Im actually more into it now. In my personal life, Ill be honest with you, Im more into women, but for work, it doesnt matter, I can do whatever. I can pretty much get interested as soon as we get started but now that Im pregnant, Im enjoying it a lot more even ... the sex is pretty much just better for some reason.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowWith my hormones, Im actually more into it now.Any sex positions you recommend for pregnant women?Im not that big yet and I didnt really have sex while I was expecting my twins, so Ill find out for sure! But I think for now Id say doggy.Will you come back to the Ranch after you give birth?Well, its how I pay my way through school. Im working on my masters degree in forensic pathology. Its how I pay for everything. Until I finish school in four years with parttime classes, Ill continue to be working here. You cant go from making 3,000 or 1,000 an hour everyones budget is different to making 10 an hour. It just doesnt add up once youre making that large amount of money.Courtesy of Summer SebastianWill you tell your children what you do?Im an honest person, even if it makes people uncomfortable. I tell my parents, like, everything, and theyre like, We dont want to know! But Ill tell them everything anyway, because thats how I am, Im OK with that. I wont be the first one to bring it up to my children. If it comes up and they start asking questions, then Ill just answer them honestly and hopefully, if anything, theyll learn something from it.How do you plan on educating them about sexual health?So they play house with their babies, and they ask how mommy has a baby and stuff like that, and I just give them the general outline. I dont really go into detail. I guess Ill just let school handle it thats how I learned! My parents avoided the subject altogether, so I found out about sex in health class. Unless they start asking questions! Theyre smart for their age, so if they start asking things, Ill get out a medical book and teach them that way.Advertisement Continue Reading BelowAdvertisement Continue Reading BelowCourtesy of BunnyRanch.comIn your blog post, you wrote For me, keeping the baby wasnt even a question! I love life! It seems clear adoption or abortion werent options you considered, but what are your views on abortion in general?I believe women have the right to choose its their body and their life, and its our freedom and part of whats so great about living in this country, but personally, I dont believe in abortion myself. But if another woman makes that decision, Im not going to judge it, its not my place to judge it.How do you explain your decision to blog your way through a pregnancy as a sex worker to those who just dont understand it?For me, it wasnt an issue at all, but for some girls, this could really put them in a bad spot. When youre expecting a child, there goes your budget you have to rethink everything! Its the worst time to think about how youre going to make money, so I thought it would be helpful to other working girls that may find themselves in this position one day. Im sticking up for womens rights.Follow Tess on Twitter .